I’ve noticed that I help ESP customers with more than just their TV service. I mean, I help them with life in general. ESP’s need a little more assistance with pretty much everything. Like walking ten feet, eating a bowl of Wheaties, or simply using a credit card.

Winston: “I’m sorry sir, but the credit card is still saying ‘declined’ in our system.”

Customer: “Well Hell, it’s brand spankin’ new, I have no idea why it won’t work.”

Winston: “Have you used it yet?”

Customer: “Well, no. I told ya, it’s brand new.”

Winston: “That might be the problem.”

Customer: “What, do I have to do something with a new card?”

Winston: “Yes, you have to activate it.”

Customer: “Activate it? I have to activate a credit card? How in Hell’s name do I do that?”

I won’t go into detail on how to activate a card, gentle reader. I know you’re intelligent and can figure out that the giant sticker on the card saying “Call to Activate” isn’t there for decoration.