I’m Just Not Very Good At Thinking

“I wonder if I can wear this to work. Is this technically business casual?”

Stupid People Say The Dumbest Fucking Things:

Winston: “Do you see the premium channels on your bill?”

Customer: “The what now?”

Winston: “The $15 charge we’ve been talking about on your May bill. Do you see that charge, three lines down from the top?”

Customer: “Okay, hold on now, let me see. No, I still don’t see it.”

Winston: “Do you see anything labeled Premium Channels?”

Customer: “Um, yeah, I see that. Okay then, there it is!”

Winston: “That’s the one.”

Customer: “Sorry I’m not much help here, I’m just not very good at thinking.”

Winston: “That’s okay.”

I figured I’d agree with him on being an idiot, but you’ve got to appreciate an ESP that’s honest. Most think they’re smart for some stupid reason.

Happy Birthday ESP!

Hello again, gentle reader! It sure has been awhile since we’ve last talked. I have to admit, the future of ESP was looking grim. This recent hiatus is due to my debates over the future of this blog. With such low readership, it didn’t seem like all the effort was worthwhile. I think some of […]

The Hot Dog Eating Contest

Some companies support a healthy lifestyle by promoting outdoor activities or a discount for a fitness club membership. It’s no surprise that Telescreen doesn’t support a fucking thing that would benefit the employees. Maybe they’re worried that the costs would be too high because an insanely high percentage of the employees are obese. I’m not […]

Is It Just TV? Um, Yeah

Bob has to write down what he's saying since no one can understand him

I have special folder on my work computer where I save all of my bullshit emails. Not surprisingly, I’ve amassed quite a few. The most recent one came from a supervisor in an attempt to make us care more about our customers. Let’s establish one already well-known fact: I don’t give a fuck about any of the customers, mainly because they’re all morons. Our bosses must recognize this and want to establish a sense of caring amongst the agents. How exactly are we supposed to care about customers when they’re calling about something as unimportant as TV? I mean really, it’s just fucking TV. Or maybe not. The title of this stupid email was, “Is It Just TV?” Here are the main points outlined in the email:

For the mother who has a child in the Army overseas and it’s her only way to stay informed, is it just TV?

Um, yeah. She’s a dumb redneck that watches Fox News, and anyone who knows anything can tell you that’s not going to inform her about anything worthwhile.

For the sports fanatic that can’t go to the stadium to watch the big game, is it just TV?

Um, yeah. The fact that he’s too poor to make it to the game doesn’t excuse him from calling his TV provider to bitch and moan about signal loss. Not only is it just TV, but it’s just a Nascar race. You can see the same shit staring at the cars on the interstate, dumbass.

For the sweet elderly woman who watches her favorite Soap Opera because she can’t make it out of her home, is it just TV?

Um, yeah. Just because she can’t figure out how to turn on her TV to spend her children’s inheritance on informercials doesn’t mean  I should give two shits. She’s also not sweet, she’s senile. There’s a big difference.

For the dying cancer patient who gets comfort out of his favorite comedy shows, is it just TV?

Um, yeah. Richard Pryor is awesome, but he’s not Jesus, and watching his stand-up won’t cure goddamn cancer.

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