The Infamous Credit Score Guy

I think the politically correct term is “disabled.”

An extremely stupid person doesn’t listen too well. It’s like stupidity blocks a portion of their hearing or something. This is nothing new, because most ESP’s get all worked up over some dumb shit that can easily be solved. The problem lies in the fact that they don’t understand rationale, mainly because they aren’t listening to any solutions. Come to think of it, they don’t understand much of anything at all, because they’re fucking stupid.

There was one guy who was particularly stupid deaf. I like that term, “stupid deaf,” has a nice ring to it. Anyway, his story isn’t particularly stupid, nor is it particularly hilarious. Yet for some reason, it’s been spread around the call center, and fellow employees as well as supervisors enjoy asking me about it. If they only knew how to Google “Extremely Stupid People,” they would have way more than one ESP story!

Customer: “So why don’t you tell me about this here rebate y’all sent me.”

Winston: “So you purchased the receiver box at full price, this is the $100 off the salesman told you about when you purchased your service a couple of months ago.”

Customer: “Yeah, but where the Hell’s my money? Y’all gave me this dumb card.”

Winston: “Correct, the money is on there. It’s a prepaid debit card with $100. It will spend just like cash.”

Customer: “Um, no, it won’t. Ain’t no way in Hell I’m opening up a card in my name. I’m watching my credit score.”

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Top ESP Searches: Volume 4

Oh, so that’s how Google does the street view thing. How green of them.

As intelligent as loyal ESP readers are, there are always a few stupid people that slip through the cracks and land on the blog. The dumbasses have to get to ESP somehow, and this is how they’re doing it:

“Im Extermly Stoopid Rigth Now”

That’s for damn sure. Now what’s the goal of that search?

“Stupid Business Casual Hobo”

What? Are you saying business casual is stupid or inquiring how a hobo would dress in a corporate environment?

“Call Center Agents Are Assholes”

Only if they create blogs retelling stories about their interactions with stupid fucking customers.

“Stupid People And Computers”

Yeah, they don’t mix very well. Please see every post on the blog as proof.

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Top ESP Searches: Volume 3

“Listen, you’re not gonna look cool unless your binocs match your shirt.”

Wow, these searches just keep rolling on in! I have more searches than brain cells left in my noggin after spending a couple of years chatting with ESP’s. Let’s get cooking with the stupidest of stupid searches before I lose the few braincells I have left.

“Rednecks From Mississippi Are So Dumb”

Yeah, no shit. Did you really need to search the Internet for confirmation? A pet rock could have told you that.

“I’m A Master of the Custodial Arts”

No, you’re a fucking janitor. I am not a master of the intelligent arts; I work in a fucking call center and am forced to interact with idiots all day. Let’s quit sugarcoating it, okay?

“Why Legs Don’t Move In Elder People”

Um, because they’re fucking old.

“Stupid People Gaga”

What the fuck?

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Top ESP Searches: Volume 2

Crazy Uncle Jeff was in charge of watching little Stacy. Good thing he had plenty of toys for her to play with.

It’s that time again! Here’s the second installment of the outrageous search terms that lead people to the blog. This is how ESP’s find a blog about, well, ESP’s. After reading all of these search terms, please ask yourself a quick,”What the fuck?” I mean really, how the Hell do people come up with this shit?

“People At Work Think I’m Stupid”

Well, shit, they’re probably right. I mean, if you have to Google that while you’re at work, then the coworkers have you pretty well figured out. I’m sure this sent you to my similar post, My Wife Thinks I’m Stupid. That guys wife was right, these coworkers are right, but I can’t help but wonder what exactly is the goal of this search? An article on a self-help blog entitled, “How To Deal With Difficult Coworkers?” How about an intelligence test? Let’s figure out a game plan for you, Mr. Genius Coworker. Get off the blog, go grab a dictionary, and read it. The whole fucking thing. When you’re done reading the dictionary, come back and we’ll talk.

“I Have Lunch At Five”

Okay, cool. Good for you. That’s a late lunch, you may want to classify that as dinner and do a new search for “I have dinner at five.” Then you can get in on that Early Bird Special old folks like so much. Maybe that’s the reason for the search? Or you think if you Google your lunch plans it will automatically go to the calendar and then your brain? I assume you were lead to the post, No, I Have Lunch That Day, and felt much the same as that ESP. I really can’t figure out why someone would search for “I have lunch at five,” but hey, there are a lot of things I don’t understand about extremely stupid people.

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