Sherlock Holmes

I always wondered what the Internet looked like in real life.

There are plenty of mysteries in the world. Stonehenge. Atlantis. Nascar. One thing that doesn’t need a fucking investigation is the quick fix of a Telescreen router.

An angry old asshole called in and got super pissed because he couldn’t understand technology. Yes, this is a daily occurrence. I mean, the guy got confused about absolutely fucking everything. I was surprised he could carry on a conversation at that matter. Well, by conversation, I mean him just complaining about the “damned Interweb.”

He couldn’t figure out why his “Interweb” suddenly “vanished.” Why? Because he’s a fucking moron. The mystery of the vanishing Interweb solved in four seconds.

After talking to him for a whole 20 seconds, I could immediately tell he was fucking stupid, caused this whole fucking problem, and that he was really just an asshole. Don’t blame me because you’re stupid, gramps.

Winston: “Okay sir, we need to reset the router. What you’ll do is unplug the power from the box…”

Customer: “Wait, what? You mean this damned Interweb machine?”

Winston: “Correct, you’ll need to pull the power from…”

Customer: “Damnit, slow down! What do I pull?”

Read More »