Every employee of any company dreads it. Just like when you were a kid and they had the principal’s office. Except instead of threatening to call your parents, they threaten to take away your paycheck. Yes, these are the fears of being sent to the manager’s office.
I was getting bitched out by some toothless hillbilly piece of shit who couldn’t count past six if it were on a Busch light can, so basically, just a typical day. On my extremely limited and time-monitored break, some of my fellow long-suffering employees were talking about someone who just got canned after being with the company for 12 years. Now in a call center, 12 years is like 100 fucking years. Considering the normal (smart) employee lasts weeks or months, that’s a big deal. So the gossip continued and I went back to work like normal. After my shift finally ended, I heard about some more people that seemed to be randomly fired. And then some more. Considering the constant hurt for employees and the high volume of idiot callers, this was seeming pretty weird. We all gossiped about our job security and those that were now free from Telescreen, and I left to join the real world, away from the evil dungeon known as Super Department.
The next day, I was back at it, this time helping some dumbass who could barely speak English add up a bill. Then up popped a chat from one of the supervisors who told me to go to the regional manager’s office. Now I’d been in the department manager’s office a few times, like in Don’t Get Mad And Leave, but never the regional manger’s. Once the failed math lesson was over, I slowly made my way to the office of the call-center regional manager, someone I had only seen at a distance after so many years of working in Super Department. It was like the fucking Wizard of Oz or something, except the she was a weird-looking chick and not a midget.
In my daily job searching and periodic interviewing for better positions (such as a guy that drives around town picking up dog shit), I was reminiscing of the wonderful interview process undertaken at Telescreen Inc almost two years ago. Good thing I’ve written down every ESP interaction and Telescreen misstep since my first week on the job, or else I’d forget all the finer details. If you happen to be in a rush and want me to skip over the details, I can do that too. I’ll sum up the Telescreen interview process in two simple words: Fucking stupid. There you go, now get onto more important things like making origami animals or something.
I fatefully drove by the massive Telescreen call center one day and saw a hiring sign. I was unemployed and needed a job, simple as that. I knew it was a shitty company and the the job would probably blow, but I thought it could get me by “for the time being.” Little did I know that meant two years and counting…
That night I went online to apply, and was immediately greeted by a whole bunch of bullshit. You don’t just send them your resume, you’ve got to earn the honor to apply, or at least that’s the way it seemed. You can’t just send your resume, you’ve got to fill out pages and pages of additional information instead. That’s standard with a lot of applications, but it wasn’t a real job. I mean, it’s a fucking call center.
Right when I started at Telescreen, I began making my next move. After one day of training, I realized what I was getting into, and immediately wanted out. Obviously, working at Telescreen was going to be a temporary thing until I could find a real job. That was and still is easier said than done, so I set my sights within the company in the interim. I quickly learned that I wasn’t the only one wanting to move around in Telescreen. We employees call it “getting off the phones,” and as the name suggests, we all desire to work anywhere and do anything other than talk to fucking idiots all day.
I began bugging my training boss, then my second boss, then my third boss. My inquiries about moving within the company came about every single day. The supervisors and management aren’t stupid, and they don’t let just anyone transfer. Wait, I take that back, they’re all really fucking stupid actually.
Anyway, the management is aware everyone wants to “get off the phones,” but knows that they need to keep the shitty positions staffed. So in order to transfer, you have to pretend you really want it, be ready for more bullshit, and only opt for one specific department, all in hopes that a vacancy will open up. A normal company would encourage growth and provide employees with opportunities to move up the ranks. As you can imagine, Telescreen isn’t quite as enlightened as a normal company. They prefer to keep the employees at their shitty positions until they inevitably quit. Maybe that’s why we have a new training class hitting the call center floor an average of every other week. I shit you not, that’s a fucking fact.