Ain’t No Church Today


No one pays for GPS anymore. Just saying.

In honor of the birthday boy’s big day on the 25th, I thought I’d drop a fun little story about the importance of Sunday, the sabbath. Take note, don’t miss church, ever.

A woman called in because a technician didn’t make it out to her house that day and it had to be rescheduled. Something had fucked up in the scheduling system and by the time I talked to her there were no techs available. Sure it’s frustrating waiting for someone to come to your house and then not having them show up, I get that.

What I didn’t get is why this broad had to call ten times before she got to me and ignored everyone telling her they couldn’t get a tech out. If they could get someone out, they would, but man, she just didn’t like hearing the word “no.”

She spent most of the time threatening legal action against both Telescreen and myself because she was “a paralegal.” Oh shit, watch out everybody.

Customer: “I ain’t missing work no more, you hear me? Remember, I said I was a damn paralegal!”

Winston: “Well I can get someone to come out this Sunday so you don’t miss work again. If you’d like, I can also call the local office to make sure you’re first on the list.”

Customer: “Ah Hell nah! Don’t you know what day that is? I go to church on Sunday!”

All fucking day?

Customer: “I don’t miss church unless Jesus Christ himself comes down from the sky and says, ‘Hey, Janelle, keep yo ass at home, ain’t no church today’.”

I wonder if she ever tried the “Jesus told me to stay home” excuse at her job as “a paralegal.” 

Customer: “You listen hear, I’m gonna sue y’alls asses and get rich as Hell. Ha ha! I ain’t gonna be poor no mo’. Y’all made a mistake and you keep blaming the damn computer system or whatever, but computers don’t make mistakes.”

Had she ever used a computer, ever?

Customer: “Y’all wanna know who makes mistakes? Humans do, cuz humans is dumb.”

Judging by this monologue, she knew quite a bit about humans being dumb. As do I. Please see every previous post on this blog.