No! No! No!

You definitely don’t want to fuck with this mall cop.

Some ESP’s are in such extreme denial that they refuse to accept the truth. This happens quite a bit. For example, their bill says they owe 75 bucks. They think their bill should be free for some fucking reason. I explain why their bill is in fact 75 bucks, then they lose their shit. They yell, hang up, get their service disconnected, get sent to collections, and lose their shit again like two years later. I think the idea is that if they hang up, their bill magically goes away. Telescreen loves money too much to let that happen.

Other ESP’s like to jump on the denial train immediately. One in particular was quite skilled at blocking what he didn’t want to hear. He explained that he cancelled the service because it was a piece of shit. Understandable, Telescreen service is in fact really shitty. But then I had to explain a little issue with that. I kind of had to break some bad news. Since there’s a charge for breaking a contract, and Telescreen sure as shit doesn’t let us waive it, this psycho had 200 big ones on his bill. I started breaking the news slowly, but he was ready.

Winston: “Well…”

Customer: “No!”

Winston: “Um…”

Customer: “No!”

Winston: “Un…”

Customer: “No!”

Winston: : “…for…”

Customer: “No!”

Winston: “…tunate…”

Customer: “No!”

Winston: “…ly…”

Customer: “No!”

Then I had to pause since I couldn’t get through one fucking word.

Customer: “No no no no no no no no no!”


I think the idea was, if he didn’t hear the answer, it didn’t exist. If I couldn’t actual tell him that he owed 200 bucks, then he really didn’t owe 200 bucks. Just like when something in a the store doesn’t have price tag on it, so therefore it’s free. Try arguing that with the mall cop. You know, the really tough mall cop riding a segway.