I’m Still Not Satisfied

So I can report the thousands of Angry Assholes I talked to, right?
So now I can report the thousands of Angry Assholes I’ve talked to, right?

A lot of times, Angry Assholes just call in to complain. It seems like they aren’t actually calling to solve an issue, they just want to bitch someone out to make themselves feel better. They like to make a point to the call-center workers that they aren’t happy, which usually comes across loud and clear when they’re screaming “fuck you.”

One woman could not be appeased no matter what I did. She just wanted to be an asshole. Boy did she succeed.

Customer: “You better cancel my account or I’m calling the BBB!”

Winston: “Again, ma’am, I cannot cancel your account because we have a contract on file. Why don’t you tell me why you want to cancel and maybe we can figure out how to make the service better.”

Customer: “I’m not satisfied.”

Winston: “With?”

Customer: “Um…the signal.”

I put her on hold and surprisingly was able to get a tech out that same day and waive the charge.

Winston: “Well…it looks like I can get a tech to your home by this afternoon and I am able to waive the charge.”

Customer: “I’m still not satisfied.”

Winston: “Okay, um, why?”

Customer: “The channels.”

I changed her package and removed some add-ons.

Winston: “Is there anything else I can help you with today ma’am?”

Customer: “I’m still not satisfied.”

Winston: “What exactly is the issue?”

Customer: “The bill.”

I added some more fucking credits on the account and put an ancient gypsy curse on her to bring bad luck for 50 years.

Winston: “Okay, you should be all set. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’m still not satisfied.”

Why, seriously why? What in the fuck else am I supposed to fucking do?

Winston: “Is there any specific issue in particular that we didn’t cover?

Customer: “Everything.”

I then tried to make her look like the asshole she was by going over all the things I had to do for the last half hour. I listed off everything I had addressed and all the undeserved credits she received. I though I had finally made her happy.

Customer: “Well it sounds like you didn’t help me too damn much now did you? I guess you just wasted my time. Thanks for nothing.” Click

Well, I got her off the phone, so I was satisfied at least.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Still Not Satisfied

  1. Have you ever considered that our (I’m a poor tech-support sod too) lovely brilliant customers may be raising or teaching kids, driving cars and trucks, operating heavy machinery and that they’re allowed to vote or to move in next door? I think tech-support guys should be allowed to remotely vaporize/poison/shred idiots just judged by their crappy attitude and behavior against support staff. The likelihood that these people are dog poo in all other aspects of life and society too is probably very, very high. That would make the world a much better place and it would be a reliable and secure way (e.g. you can’t bounce them off the road when they drive like assholes without potential collateral damages) to keep this kind of people from breeding more dysfunctional shitheads.

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