The Email Collection: Volume 5

“Hold on, I’m just reading our monthly email usage.”

Wow, it’s been almost a year since we’ve ridiculed ESP email addresses. I dare say this is long overdue. You know the old saying: Give an ESP an email account and they won’t know how to use it. Teach an ESP how to create an email account and they’ll make it something really fucking stupid.

poopoo@wordpress.com: What in the fuck is the point of this? Why would anyone in their right mind have the word “poo” in an email address? On second thought, why is “poo” in there twice? Sometimes I can’t even begin to rationalize the stupidity I encounter.

wellhung@wordpress.com: Well I think congratulations are in order. No, what am I thinking, this must be the email of a framing business, right? A nail manufacturing plant? Either way, I’m sorry Mr. Well Hung, but you didn’t get the job. Something about that email address really didn’t say “team player” or “problem solver.”

missiethang@wordpress.com:  What the fuck does that even mean?

mikewagnersmom@wordpress.com: Everyone was wondering who Mike Wagner’s mom was. They especially wanted to know when an email came in. So Mike’s mom created an email account accordingly. Let us be clear that her name heeds no importance whatsoever. We just need to know that she’s Mike Wagner’s mom.

grimreaper2006@wordpress.com:  No way I’m answering an email from the Grim Reaper, even if that asshole can’t figure out how to turn on the TV.

tigerwoodsbiggestfan@wordpress.com: No one cares, not even Tiger Woods.

riceman13@wordpress.com:  Rice is definitely tasty shit, but tasty enough to change an email address? I think not.

toomuchprozac@wordpress.com: Okay, cool. Too much of the ol’ Prozac, huh? I’m just going to back away slowly…

thebaldramler@wordpress.com: A mid-life crisis is an interesting thing. I’m assuming the idea behind the address is that the answer to male pattern balding is buying a motorcycle. That’s how I read it anyway.

tinkaholic@wordpress.com: I don’t really know what that means, but at the same time, I don’t think I want to.

I know you think I’m making this shit up, but no, these emails actually exist. None of them are @wordpress.com though, so don’t go trying to send any love letters to Mr. Well Hung.

 The Email Collection: Volume 4

The Email Collection: Volume 3

The Email Collection: Volume 2

The Email Collection: Volume 1

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