The Big Spender

A history lesson while I buy a Slim Jim? Score.

Well hot damn gentle reader, we did it. We hit the century mark! 100 stories of stupidity. If you’ve been with me from the beginning, you know the impossible is possible. A normal person may believe in the intelligence of the human race. Yet we have 100 examples that there are some real fucking morons out there. Really dumb people. I’m talking about extremely stupid people here.

Now I’m not trying to be defeatist by any means, because quite a bit of good can come from 100 stories of stupid. Had a shitty day at work? Feel better by laughing at those with lesser intelligence. Did something dumb today? Boost your self-esteem by realizing you aren’t a dirty Redneck that can’t count past 2 (the number of Busch Lights ordered in a round at the bar).

I’ve got plenty more than a hundred stories, believe me. It seems like I can’t stay ahead of them. Everyday I go to the call center, really not wanting anyone to be so fucking ridiculous, but I’ll be damned, they just keep on coming. Endless stupidity.

So while we’re talking about numbers, allow me to enlighten you with a story about a man that got really fucking pissed over a really fucking small number.

Winston: “What do you mean you’ve been charged? Your service hasn’t even been setup yet.”

Customer: “I have my bank statement right here and I see a charge. I can send it to you, because I’m not blind!”

Being blind is a little different than just being illiterate.

Winston: “Well how much does it say on your bill?”

Customer: “One dollar.”

Then there was a moment of silence as I tried to figure out if someone was pranking me.

Winston: “One dollar?”

Customer: “One dollar.”

Winston: “Sir, that’s a hold on your credit card, that’s not a charge.”

Customer: “Listen pal, the sales guy said he wouldn’t charge me. Yet somehow I see a charge on my bank statement. Why don’t you explain that? What the Hell is going on over there?”

Winston: “Again, that’s not a charge.”

Customer: “I think someone is scamming me!”

Winston: “It’s a hold. You know, like when you go to the gas station and…”

Customer: “This isn’t a fucking gas station!”

I’m glad he had enough intelligence to realize a phone conversation wasn’t a gas station.

Winston: “Sir, I can assure you that the dollar hold will be returned to the card within 3 to 5 business days.”

He then lost his shit even more, so I just credited his account for like $50. I’m not a mathematician, but that’s 50 times what he was bitching about. Because he was crying about a dollar. One dollar. One fucking dollar.