An extremely stupid person doesn’t listen too well. It’s like stupidity blocks a portion of their hearing or something. This is nothing new, because most ESP’s get all worked up over some dumb shit that can easily be solved. The problem lies in the fact that they don’t understand rationale, mainly because they aren’t listening to any solutions. Come to think of it, they don’t understand much of anything at all, because they’re fucking stupid.
There was one guy who was particularly stupid deaf. I like that term, “stupid deaf,” has a nice ring to it. Anyway, his story isn’t particularly stupid, nor is it particularly hilarious. Yet for some reason, it’s been spread around the call center, and fellow employees as well as supervisors enjoy asking me about it. If they only knew how to Google “Extremely Stupid People,” they would have way more than one ESP story!
Customer: “So why don’t you tell me about this here rebate y’all sent me.”
Winston: “So you purchased the receiver box at full price, this is the $100 off the salesman told you about when you purchased your service a couple of months ago.”
Customer: “Yeah, but where the Hell’s my money? Y’all gave me this dumb card.”
Winston: “Correct, the money is on there. It’s a prepaid debit card with $100. It will spend just like cash.”
Customer: “Um, no, it won’t. Ain’t no way in Hell I’m opening up a card in my name. I’m watching my credit score.”
Winston: “Well it’s a prepaid debit card. It’s not a credit card. You aren’t cancelling anything. It’s like using cash.”
Customer: “I ain’t no dummy, I know my credit score and I’ve got to keep my eye on it because I’m trying to get a boat in a couple of months. I ain’t accepting no card.”
Winston: “Again, sir, it’s a debit card. It’s not a credit card. Prepaid debit cards are not put on your credit report.”
I didn’t fucking know how to get it through this guy’s head. This went on for about five minutes, maybe even longer. I kept repeating myself with the rational answer, and he kept telling me he didn’t want to mess with this credit score by cancelling a card. Then I tried to reword the answer and trick him into believing the truth. Sometimes that’s the only way to deal with stubborn ESP’s.
Winston: “Think of a prepaid debit card as a gift card, but instead of having the money provided by a store, the money is provided by Visa.”
Nope, didn’t work. I tried to drop some financial basics on him instead.
Winston: “Your credit report is a record of your credit worthiness, ie how you borrow and repay money. That’s how credit works, because you borrow the money and pay it back. Debit is just like cash, and is spending actual money, not borrowing it.”
Double fail. Then he tried the same technique on me, trying to trick me into being a fucking idiot.
Customer: “Let me ask you this, big shot. What name you think is on this goddamn thing?”
Winston: “It’s going to be yours obviously.”
Customer: “Bingo! You said it yourself! This card is in my name, so if I cancel it, I’m gonna get a ding on my damn credit report.”
Then we both gave up trying to trick each other, and the conversation took a childish turn.
Winston: “Sir, if you use the card, it’s not going to affect your credit report, I promise you.”
Customer: “Yes it will.”
Winston: “No, really, it won’t.”
Customer: Yes it will!”
Winston: “No it won’t.”
Winston: “Um, no.”
He then got super pissed and demanded a supervisor. Being that I was exhausted trying to teach him how money worked, I happily obliged. I went and bugged one of my supervisors, who didn’t really understand why he had to talk to this asshole. Eventually, I got him to take the call, and on I went talking to many other ESP’s.
A little while later, as I was packing up to leave for the day, I overheard my supervisor telling a bunch of his colleagues about this guy. He called me over, everyone laughing about the amazing stubbornness of this ESP. Apparently he had talked to my supervisor for a good half hour, and wouldn’t budge and inch. Eventually, he agreed to cut up the prepaid debit card, and my boss gave him a $100 credit on his account. Either that guy really was so fucking blindly stupid, or he was actually a genius badass who just scored 200 bucks. Experience in the Telescreen call center tells me it’s probably the first option.