Why Are You Here?

I ask myself that same question every time I walk into the call center.

Stupid People Say The Dumbest Fucking Things:

Winston: “Ma’am, please calm down.”

Customer: “Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!”

Winston: “Ma’am…”

Customer: “The installer told me he would solve this, and now just look at my bill!”

Winston: “Again, I can’t see those charges on your account; they don’t show up on our end.”

Customer: “I know! That’s why they told me not to call Telescreen.”

Winston: “You mean, the main line here?”

Customer: “Yeah, they said, ‘Don’t call Telescreen under any circumstances’ or they’ll mess up your account! Boy were they right.”

I had no choice but to ask for clarification. Things just weren’t adding up.

Winston: “Well, you know this is Telescreen you just called, right? I also can’t see anything on your account.”

Customer: “I know that! But they said not to call you. They said not to call Telescreen, no way.”

Um, what? You were told not to call Telescreen…so why are you here? I must thank the installer for trying to spare me the raging psycho, but that required you following extremely simple directions. For future reference, when someone says don’t call a number, don’t fucking call it. When you’re an ESP, apparently not calling a number means, um, calling it immediately. Was it opposite day or something?

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