Baby Got Back

Somehow going to the library didn’t seem so lame.

If the supervisors at Telescreen weren’t such a bunch of fucking Nazis, we would probably be allowed to listen to some tunes while rotting away in our evil cubicles of doom. Sadly, they insist that all of our cell phones be put away, and of course we can’t access Pandora or anything on our ancient shithole computers. Instead, we are stuck listening to the sweet sounds of toothless Rednecks trying to count beyond ten. For the record, they generally can’t.

Agents from other sales affiliates aren’t prone to the same strict protocol, since they don’t work in a fucking sweatshop like us Telescreen employees. Occasionally we can hear music in the background when they call in. One agent in particular was not so discreet with her music choices or the volume.

Winston: “Thanks for calling Super Department, this is Winston, how may I help you?”

I immediately hear music blasting in the background.

Agent: “Hey Winston, can you help me build an account? I’m getting an error with the credit card.”

Winston: “Not a problem, let me bring up the account here, one second…”

As I was bringing the account up on my screen and no one was talking, I finally caught what song she was listening to.

Music: “Fat bottom girls, you make the rocking world go round…”

Was she listening to some fucking Queen? “Fat Bottom Girls?”

Music: “Left alone with big fat Fanny…”

Yep. Well this is awkward.

Winston: “Um, so I have the account here…”

I tried to ignore “Fat Bottom Girls” and just keep going through the account with her, until the song finally ended. Next I heard some talking in the background instead of a song, thinking maybe her ridiculous playlist was finally done. Then the next song erupted through her speakers.

Music: “I like big butts and I can not lie. You otha brothas can’t deny.”

Well this just got even weirder.

Music: “Shake that healthy butt, baby got back!”

Was this the fucking “Big Butt” playlist on Spotify or something? Playing at work nonetheless? Fortunately I was able to finish up the call during “Baby Got Back” so I didn’t have to hear what crazy shit was coming up next.

4 thoughts on “Baby Got Back

  1. I’m jealous. Whenever I got someone calling in who had music playing in the background, it was always the soundtrack to some crappy direct-to-DVD movie, with the volume set so loud that God would have had problems hearing the free-range Soylent Green on the other end of the line. Naturally, they couldn’t hear me, either, but would they turn down the television for a half-second while making that call? Of course not. That’s like asking them to focus on the call instead of going back to zoning over the tube. (And then there was the entitlement. I had one such genius who had his television going so loudly that I couldn’t hear a thing, and had to ask him to repeat himself several times. He finally turned it down long enough to demand to talk to my supervisor, because I was being insanely rude for daring to ask him to repeat himself.)

    • Yeah, I’ve noticed the plethora of noises in the background from screaming children, barking dogs, blaring TV’s, and shitty music. And they wonder why they can’t hear us.

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