Have You Ever Been Shot?

“Calm down Grandma. Those kids definitely didn’t walk through your petunias.”

When Telescreen customers don’t pay their bills, Telescreen turns off their service. When customers think TV is too fucking important, they have a shit fit when they can’t watch something worthless like “Dancing With The Stars.” When they can’t watch worthless programming, they call customer service to bitch and complain. When customer service tells them they should pay their fucking bill, they lose their shit and end up talking to Super Department. When customers get to Super Department, they try to give bullshit excuses as to why they didn’t pay their bill in hopes of getting their service turned for free. When I get a bullshit excuse, I laugh and then post about it unbeknownst to the customer on this blog.

Customer: “Man, you gotta get my service back on, I ain’t going nowhere ’til you do.”

Winston: “I’m sorry sir, but the service was shutoff due to nonpayment. I can’t restore services until the $46.77 is collected. I’m happy to take that payment for you over the phone.”

Then there was a long pause followed by a deep sigh.

Customer: “Listen man, I had some stuff happen to me, aight? I got shot. You hear that man, I got shot!”

I couldn’t respond because I was too busy writing the conversation down.

Customer: “I said I got shot! You ever been shot?”

Winston: “I’m very sorry to hear that sir…”

Customer: “I asked you a question. Have you ever been shot by a gun?”

Winston: “I can’t say I have, but…”

Customer: “Well then you ain’t know how difficult it is to pay your damn TV bill after getting shot, do you?”

After a little more of this I ended up restoring his service, mainly based on the creativity of his excuse. Sure he may have been wounded by some sort of firearm, but is that really how someone should get out of paying a bill?