Have You Ever Heard Of Iraq?

“Shut the fuck up Donny.”

If you’ve ever seen The Big Lebowski, you know that John Goodman’s character Walter loved bringing up his experiences in Vietnam. We now know that his buddies died lying face down in the muck, but most of the characters in the movie didn’t want to hear any of that. Similarly, I don’t want to hear about some Redneck asshole’s experiences in Iraq. That won’t stop them from telling me all about it though.

Winston: “Well sir, last summer the services were shut off due to non payment.”

Customer: “I already told you I wasn’t home. I was out of the country!”

Winston: “That may be, but since the account was still active, the charges continued to accrue on the account.”

Customer: “Let me ask you something. Have you ever heard of Iraq?”

No, I guess I slept through Geography 101 and have never watched the news in my entire life.

Winston: “Yes sir I have, but we need to get back to the matter at hand…”

Customer: “Last summer, I was in Iraq. Fighting in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was fighting for democracy. For your freedom. For your neighbor’s.”

Oh…my…God. Is this really happening?

Customer: “While you were sitting on your couch watching TV, do you know where I was? Huh?”

At this point, I was speechless. Sometimes words just can’t comprehend the ridiculous shit I hear on the job.

Customer: “I was in a cave in Iraq. So how in the Hell was I supposed to pay my bill when I was in a cave in Iraq?”

Then for some reason, really for my own entertainment, I decided to roll with it.

Winston: “You’re absolutely right sir. There’s no way you could have paid your bill while you were in Iraq.”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Winston: “I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I can’t backdate all the charges, but I’ll meet you halfway.”

We then negotiated for awhile and I got him to quit telling me about Iraq long enough to get him off the fucking phone. Mind you there were about five more minutes of war stories during the negotiation process. Apparently my fake interest meant he had to tell me all about his tour overseas. Oh well, at least I now have heard of Iraq.


3 thoughts on “Have You Ever Heard Of Iraq?

  1. Well, if he really was in Iraq, and could provide orders to prove it, he should have frozen the account beforehand or at least called when he got the first bill. I forgot to freeze my cell my third deployment, called Verizon (from a pay phone, in Iraq) when I got the first bill email and they added credit to my account and removed the charges. I did 3 tours, I was outside the base on a daily basis or for days on end, and I still managed to call and take care of business back home. Iraq may have been a combat zone, but it was not a communications-free zone. I hate soldiers who use deployment as an excuse to let everything go to shit back home. And if you hadn’t gathered, people who wax nostalgic about how bad the war was to complete strangers who don’t ask, are usually full of it. Sorry for the rant.

    • Rants are always welcome around these parts. Valid point, especially since I know Telescreen and tons of other companies allow customers to cancel accounts or waive charges by simply sending over military orders, no questions asked. Considering he didn’t want to send anything he may been completely full of it then, having spent the summer at home enjoying TV, but knew the deployment excuse would work. Well, he got free shit from me, so I guess it did work!

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