If you’ve ever seen The Big Lebowski, you know that John Goodman’s character Walter loved bringing up his experiences in Vietnam. We now know that his buddies died lying face down in the muck, but most of the characters in the movie didn’t want to hear any of that. Similarly, I don’t want to hear about some Redneck asshole’s experiences in Iraq. That won’t stop them from telling me all about it though.
Winston: “Well sir, last summer the services were shut off due to non payment.”
Customer: “I already told you I wasn’t home. I was out of the country!”
Winston: “That may be, but since the account was still active, the charges continued to accrue on the account.”
Customer: “Let me ask you something. Have you ever heard of Iraq?”
No, I guess I slept through Geography 101 and have never watched the news in my entire life.
Winston: “Yes sir I have, but we need to get back to the matter at hand…”
Customer: “Last summer, I was in Iraq. Fighting in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was fighting for democracy. For your freedom. For your neighbor’s.”
Oh…my…God. Is this really happening?
Customer: “While you were sitting on your couch watching TV, do you know where I was? Huh?”
At this point, I was speechless. Sometimes words just can’t comprehend the ridiculous shit I hear on the job.
Customer: “I was in a cave in Iraq. So how in the Hell was I supposed to pay my bill when I was in a cave in Iraq?”
Then for some reason, really for my own entertainment, I decided to roll with it.
Winston: “You’re absolutely right sir. There’s no way you could have paid your bill while you were in Iraq.”
Winston: “I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I can’t backdate all the charges, but I’ll meet you halfway.”
We then negotiated for awhile and I got him to quit telling me about Iraq long enough to get him off the fucking phone. Mind you there were about five more minutes of war stories during the negotiation process. Apparently my fake interest meant he had to tell me all about his tour overseas. Oh well, at least I now have heard of Iraq.