Ask Jeeves

If you can’t afford a real servant…

Stupid People Say The Dumbest Fucking Things:

Winston: “If you want to upgrade your package to get all of the movie channels, we can add on the premium service for you.”

Customer: “And how much will that cost?”

Winston: “All of them together will be $44 more a month.”

Customer: “And how about just the two we were discussing previously?”

Winston: “Then it would only be $20 a month.”

Then came an awkward pause followed by a big sigh.

Customer: “Oh, I do not know what to do.”

Winston: “You can always make these changes online.”

I always try to dissuade people from calling in. Saving the world, one ESP at a time.

Customer: “No, I do not want to do that. I will think about it. I will have my servant call you back to discuss these menu items at a later time.”

Um, is he going to literally “ask jeeves?”

Winston: “Okay, do you have my number still?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it right here. His name is George, he can go over the menu with you. I do not have time to deal with these matters.”

What the fuck? What time period are we in again? And what’s with this “menu” shit, does he think I’m the manager at a fucking Red Lobster? Oh well, nothing he has to worry about since he’s far too busy being a douche to bother himself with the menu at a shitty lobster chain.

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