Right when I started at Telescreen, I began making my next move. After one day of training, I realized what I was getting into, and immediately wanted out. Obviously, working at Telescreen was going to be a temporary thing until I could find a real job. That was and still is easier said than done, so I set my sights within the company in the interim. I quickly learned that I wasn’t the only one wanting to move around in Telescreen. We employees call it “getting off the phones,” and as the name suggests, we all desire to work anywhere and do anything other than talk to fucking idiots all day.
I began bugging my training boss, then my second boss, then my third boss. My inquiries about moving within the company came about every single day. The supervisors and management aren’t stupid, and they don’t let just anyone transfer. Wait, I take that back, they’re all really fucking stupid actually.
Anyway, the management is aware everyone wants to “get off the phones,” but knows that they need to keep the shitty positions staffed. So in order to transfer, you have to pretend you really want it, be ready for more bullshit, and only opt for one specific department, all in hopes that a vacancy will open up. A normal company would encourage growth and provide employees with opportunities to move up the ranks. As you can imagine, Telescreen isn’t quite as enlightened as a normal company. They prefer to keep the employees at their shitty positions until they inevitably quit. Maybe that’s why we have a new training class hitting the call center floor an average of every other week. I shit you not, that’s a fucking fact.
Your pal Winston wasn’t the kind to take this bullshit lying down. I kept on bugging the supervisors, printed copies of my resume, filled out applications, until finally, my boss told me I could talk to…The Manager.
Now let me give a summary of the manager: She’s a bitch. She wanders the call center floor, bitching at everyone, implementing bullshit rules to make our jobs shittier, and is the essence of pure evil. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to talking with her, but I entered her office with the goal of leaving a free man. Free from incessant phone calls from fucking idiots, that is.
Manager: “So Winston, I hear you want to transfer to the Internet Department from Tech Support, correct?
Let’s just call one of the bullshit sects of Super Department the “Internet Department.”
Winston: “Yes, as you can see with my resume, I have quite a bit of experience. You can feel free to check my work performance with any of my supervisors.
She then looked over my resume, seemed impressed that I wasn’t a convicted felon like some of my coworkers, then sighed deeply.
Manager: “Winston, do you know who decides what employees move on? I do. Do you what terms they are based off of? Mine.”
I braced myself for a power-trip, even though we were in a fucking call center.
Manager: “You have a very impressive resume, but you’re not transferring anywhere today. I can’t make an exception on the Telescreen rule that an employee must remain at their current position for six months.”
Yes, this story took place awhile back.
Winston: “But I’ve been here five months! Isn’t that close enough?”
Manager: “Again Winston, my decision, and I’m not bending the rules, I’m sorry. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be patient. Put in your time on the phones and I promise you can really get far with Telescreen. That’s what I did, and look where it got me.”
Well, let’s see. I’ve been there two years and I’m still talking to idiots all day. Maybe if I stay there another ten I can finally make it to manager. Can you imagine me with some sort of supervisory position at Telescreen? I think the first step in good management in customer service is to not hate the company or ridicule the customers in a blog.
Manager: “I know you’re discouraged, but you just have to be patient. Just don’t get mad and leave, because that’s what everyone does. I’ve seen a lot of people leave this company, and I assure you they all regret it.”
The irony of this story is that by the end of the year, the upper management decided to clean house one day, and canned the evil manager. Something tells me she’s not regretting a damn thing…
Check out some more stories of my managers being fucking stupid:
The Tebowing Manager: Merry Christmas From ESP!
The Dancing Manager: I’m The King Of Halloween!
The Obese Manager: The Hot Dog Eating Contest