Don’t Get Mad And Leave

“This is what you wear to a job interview, right?”

Right when I started at Telescreen, I began making my next move. After one day of training, I realized what I was getting into, and immediately wanted out. Obviously, working at Telescreen was going to be a temporary thing until I could find a real job. That was and still is easier said than done, so I set my sights within the company in the interim. I quickly learned that I wasn’t the only one wanting to move around in Telescreen. We employees call it “getting off the phones,” and as the name suggests, we all desire to work anywhere and do anything other than talk to fucking idiots all day.

I began bugging my training boss, then my second boss, then my third boss. My inquiries about moving within the company came about every single day. The supervisors and management aren’t stupid, and they don’t let just anyone transfer. Wait, I take that back, they’re all really fucking stupid actually.

Anyway, the management is aware everyone wants to “get off the phones,” but knows that they need to keep the shitty positions staffed. So in order to transfer, you have to pretend you really want it, be ready for more bullshit, and only opt for one specific department, all in hopes that a vacancy will open up. A normal company would encourage growth and provide employees with opportunities to move up the ranks. As you can imagine, Telescreen isn’t quite as enlightened as a normal company. They prefer to keep the employees at their shitty positions until they inevitably quit. Maybe that’s why we have a new training class hitting the call center floor an average of every other week. I shit you not, that’s a fucking fact.

Your pal Winston wasn’t the kind to take this bullshit lying down. I kept on bugging the supervisors, printed copies of my resume, filled out applications, until finally, my boss told me I could talk to…The Manager.

Now let me give a summary of the manager: She’s a bitch. She wanders the call center floor, bitching at everyone, implementing bullshit rules to make our jobs shittier, and is the essence of pure evil. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to talking with her, but I entered her office with the goal of leaving a free man. Free from incessant phone calls from fucking idiots, that is.

Manager: “So Winston, I hear you want to transfer to the Internet Department from Tech Support, correct?

Let’s just call one of the bullshit sects of Super Department the “Internet Department.”

Winston: “Yes, as you can see with my resume, I have quite a bit of experience. You can feel free to check my work performance with any of my supervisors.

She then looked over my resume, seemed impressed that I wasn’t a convicted felon like some of my coworkers, then sighed deeply.

Manager: “Winston, do you know who decides what employees move on? I do. Do you what terms they are based off of? Mine.”

I braced myself for a power-trip, even though we were in a fucking call center.

Manager: “You have a very impressive resume, but you’re not transferring anywhere today. I can’t make an exception on the Telescreen rule that an employee must remain at their current position for six months.”

Yes, this story took place awhile back.

Winston: “But I’ve been here five months! Isn’t that close enough?”

Manager: “Again Winston, my decision, and I’m not bending the rules, I’m sorry. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be patient. Put in your time on the phones and I promise you can really get far with Telescreen. That’s what I did, and look where it got me.”

Well, let’s see. I’ve been there two years and I’m still talking to idiots all day. Maybe if I stay there another ten I can finally make it to manager. Can you imagine me with some sort of supervisory position at Telescreen? I think the first step in good management in customer service is to not hate the company or ridicule the customers in a blog.

Manager: “I know you’re discouraged, but you just have to be patient. Just don’t get mad and leave, because that’s what everyone does. I’ve seen a lot of people leave this company, and I assure you they all regret it.”

The irony of this story is that by the end of the year, the upper management decided to clean house one day, and canned the evil manager. Something tells me she’s not regretting a damn thing…

Check out some more stories of my managers being fucking stupid:

The Tebowing Manager: Merry Christmas From ESP!

The Dancing Manager: I’m The King Of Halloween!

The Obese Manager: The Hot Dog Eating Contest

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8 thoughts on “Don’t Get Mad And Leave

  1. Maybe you should get mad and leave, Winston. Before you snap and set fire to the building. I hear that’s one of the long term side-effects of prolonged exposure to ESP.

    • Haha, that’s great. One of my supervisors has a term for that. He calls it, “The orangutang is loose from his cage.” He told us one night that because he likes us few select employees, he will warn us when “the orangutang is loose from his cage” so we know to get the Hell out of the call center immediately before he goes postal. When we can tell he’s having a particularly stressful day, we like to just check to make sure the orangutang is still enclosed in the cage. Just goes to show you that the onslaught of stupidity doesn’t stop at the supervisory level. In fact, stupidity shows no bounds – have proof.

  2. “Right when I started at Telescreen, I began making my next move. After one day of training, I realized what I was getting into, and immediately wanted out.” I have done this at too many jobs to even mention.

      • Too true. I seem to excel at getting hired at really terrible jobs and instantly regretting the day I sent my resume. Part of the problem is me. I’m perpetually dissatisfied. After all this, I think I need a job for introverts.

  3. Working in a call centre is the passive equivalent of being a private on the frontline in WW1 but without any of the pride and honour. Essentially, you are there to take shit and like it, whilst those who run the company (whatever it is) make fortunes. Call centres are the sweatshops of the 21st century. No offence, but call centres are full of people with a) no formal qualifications to do anything else (there is no University degree in Telesales or Customer Service Representation) and b) for people who have a university degree, but due to the competition in a capitalist work market, are unable to find a suitable job to suit their degree in Art History. Winston, you don’t want to be a call centre manager or supervisor because in my experience those people are c**ts. Anybody who has succumbed to the indoctrinated belief that being a call centre manager is a valid ‘career’ and a position worthy of committing 35-40 hours a week of your life to has clearly lost their dignity, humanity and a large part of the better aspects of what is known as ‘character’.

    Save yourself now Winston and get a proper job – even if you have to sell cocaine to the offspring of wealthy people, there is far more dignity and honour in it. You get to hang around trendy nightclubs and bars, attractive young woman will want to give you head in toilet cubicles when you are sharing a line together, and although you may get the shit beaten out of you once or twice, and perhaps even get murdered in a drug deal, there’s more dignity in it than being an insignificant part of the buffer zone for a shit company who’s owner is probably very rich and spends his time sniffing cocaine in trendy nightclubs in tropical tax havens 🙂

    • You’ve got that right. Hence why they call the first customer service reps “frontline agents.”

      You also have the qualifications correct for the employees. I fall into the “b” category, and days of extreme ESP exposure lend me to question my degree choice (a step up from Art History, but not much).

      If you don’t have a degree and are great a putting up with shit, then the call center manager job is right for you! Yes, leave dignity behind and be proud of leading a glorified sweat shop. No college degree or other work experience? No problem! Years of ESP exposure is all you need. Disclaimer: “Career” should be replaced with “meager wage provider.”

      Now that you mention it, drug dealing does have a wealth of benefits. Sure they don’t have a qualifying health insurance plan, but who says you have to declare all of your wages? What would normally be deemed socializing is merely another day at the office in the trendy bars of some beach town. It was then when I reconsidered my career goals, despite the short life span…

  4. Oh, I have nothing but sympathy for your plight on the six-month wait for promotion. At my old company, we had one even better. According to official policy, everyone within our call center had to start on the phones, with no exceptions, and they had to be there for a year before they could be promoted. Then we get a new call center manager (who came to us by way of Susan G. Komen, which should tell you everything you need to know about her ethics or lack thereof), and things started changing gradually. Suddenly, pet buttkissers were moved to managerial roles. Suddenly, people who’d waited patiently for their chance were being passed over for people freshly hired. Then, as the longtimers left because they realized they were never going to get into any supervisory position, she cried about the lack of loyalty.

    Along that line, I stuck it out for nearly three years, and then found a much better job all of a sudden. I gave my two-weeks notice, with that manager acting as if I’d just shot her dog, but I figured that I might as well leave on as best a note as possible. That went straight to hell the next day, when I was asked to build a corporate chart showing the chain of command, and I discovered that every last one of a new set of new hires was going into managerial spots. None had any supervisory experience, and several had never held a job before, but they were all friends of the manager’s (now a new vice-president) daughter. Between that and IT setting up a Web filter for the call center’s browsers that blocked everything but Fox News, I changed my mind and quit that day. Good thing I did, too, because the new VP convinced the CEO that the best way to save money on customer support was to shut down our facility, “farmsource” the call center to some western Virginia hellhole, and lay off everyone but her and a few chosen buttkissers.

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