Top ESP Searches: Volume 2

Crazy Uncle Jeff was in charge of watching little Stacy. Good thing he had plenty of toys for her to play with.

It’s that time again! Here’s the second installment of the outrageous search terms that lead people to the blog. This is how ESP’s find a blog about, well, ESP’s. After reading all of these search terms, please ask yourself a quick,”What the fuck?” I mean really, how the Hell do people come up with this shit?

“People At Work Think I’m Stupid”

Well, shit, they’re probably right. I mean, if you have to Google that while you’re at work, then the coworkers have you pretty well figured out. I’m sure this sent you to my similar post, My Wife Thinks I’m Stupid. That guys wife was right, these coworkers are right, but I can’t help but wonder what exactly is the goal of this search? An article on a self-help blog entitled, “How To Deal With Difficult Coworkers?” How about an intelligence test? Let’s figure out a game plan for you, Mr. Genius Coworker. Get off the blog, go grab a dictionary, and read it. The whole fucking thing. When you’re done reading the dictionary, come back and we’ll talk.

“I Have Lunch At Five”

Okay, cool. Good for you. That’s a late lunch, you may want to classify that as dinner and do a new search for “I have dinner at five.” Then you can get in on that Early Bird Special old folks like so much. Maybe that’s the reason for the search? Or you think if you Google your lunch plans it will automatically go to the calendar and then your brain? I assume you were lead to the post, No, I Have Lunch That Day, and felt much the same as that ESP. I really can’t figure out why someone would search for “I have lunch at five,” but hey, there are a lot of things I don’t understand about extremely stupid people.


Learn to spell asshole, it’s! You may want to check out my previous educational skills on Winston Teaches A Redneck The Alphabet. I wonder what kind of crazy shit would come up on Google when you search “espglob?” I’m too scared at what I might find, so no Googling for the time being. Oh, what the hell, I’m too curious now. Um…pretty much nothing. Damnit Google, don’t ask to auto correct that to “ESP Global,” auto correct it to “ESP Blog!” Speaking of Google, does anyone remember Ask Jeeves of That butler knew his shit.

“Winston Is A Stupid Name”

Hey, fuck you! Winston is the best damn name ever! You may want to bone up on some fine literature such as 1984 and also read my first blog post, Call Me Winston to learn why I go by that name on this blog. What the hell kind of name do you have? Cletus, Tex, Billy Bob? Noticing a theme here?

Be sure to check out the first volume:

Top ESP Searches: Volume 1

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3 thoughts on “Top ESP Searches: Volume 2

  1. fat ladies with cheeky poses pinterest
    my husband want to wear a loin cloth
    silicone caulking on your face

    My favorite search terms to date. People aren’t just stupid, they’re freaks.

    • Yikes. Those are great, glad I’m not the only one with crazy search terms on the blog. I think the proper search term they were looking for was, “freakishly stupid people.” Those people are scary.

      • I got a lot of really oddball ones today too for some reason. They are fun to see. Wish you could post more. I love to read what you write. Always has me laughing. Thanks!

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