Winston Teaches A Redneck The Alphabet

To a third grader, this is the alphabet. To a redneck, these letters might as well be hieroglyphics.

In the initial job description for the call center rep job, it didn’t really elaborate on what “educating customers” meant. I assumed that meant telling people about billing policies, showing them how to use remotes, etc. Only years of hard time at Telescreen would teach me what that really meant:

Winston: “Do you remember the agent’s name you were speaking with yesterday?”

Customer: “Ah heck, Bobby? Barry? Ben?”

Winston: “Was it Bill?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, there it is. Yeah, get me over to Bill.”

Winston: “He’s on a call right now, but I can get you his number.”

Customer: “Okay, hold on now. Let me grab a pen. Alright, Bill. How do you spell that? B…l, right?”

It was then when I muted my phone so he didn’t hear me say, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

Winston: “No sir, you’re missing a few letters. B…i…l…l.”

Customer: “That looks right, now what’s the number?”

Fortunately he learned how to count to ten, but the alphabet remained a mystery. At least now I know why they sell alphabet soup in Mississippi dollar stores.

5 thoughts on “Winston Teaches A Redneck The Alphabet

    • I swear this post and all the stories here are 100% truthful. Nothing on ESP is made up, this is my solemn and intelligent vow!

  1. You post excellent stuff, but unfortunately for me, I live down there! 😦 I try avoid these kind of these kind of things, but it is inevitable to catch someone like the person you encountered. 😦

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