The Email Collection: Volume 4

Winston has his own email address, just drop him a line via the Ask Winston page! Talking in the third person is so cool.

Time for another edition of stupid fucking email addresses. I’m amazed at the ridiculous addresses I encounter everyday. I mean really, who allowed these people to sign up with this shit? Gmail needs a stupidity filter on the sign-up page.

got7kidz@wordpress.com: Let’s cut to the chase: you have too many fucking kids. For any ESP, I always say one kid is too many, because you shouldn’t procreate. How about we don’t flood the earth with more stupid fucking people, okay? Let’s set the cap at the American Dream rate of 2.5 kids. That means two kids and one midget. Oh shit, I hate when I’m not politically correct. I mean two kids and one leprechaun.

prettynpink16@wordpress.com: No, you’re not pretty, really in any color. Pink, or as tough guys call it, salmon, is not flattering if you’re fugly. Nice try fugly, but you can’t hide behind your email address of lies. I have to admit that I love combo words like “fugly.” Only an inefficient loser would say “fucking ugly” when they could just say “fugly.” Fua! (Fuck + Yeah).

imthebirdieman@wordpress.com: Oh shit, that was you?! I always wondered who “The Birdieman” was. Wait a minute, no I didn’t. That email is fucking stupid and doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

catbabies@wordpress.com: I’m not sure if you’re aware that a cat baby has a name. It’s called a kitten. Yep, k-i-t-t-e-n. Speaking of that, cats are kind of assholes. You can’t pet them or teach them tricks. All they do is run away, scratch shit, crap in the house, and eat Meow Mix. Furry little bastards.

hilbylyz@wordpress.com:  If I got an email from you, I would be both pissed and curious. Pissed that a redneck is trying to connect with me electronically, and curious how your feeble hillbilly mind figured out how to use a computer. I’ve never seen a camo computer, a Nascar computer, nor an American Flag computer. Oh, but to buy camo shirts with Nascar logos embedded within American Flags, you need a computer. Okay, got it. Because these computers are too fucking complicated for rednecks to even turn on, you have to call and yell at the computer company’s customer support rep to get it working. Lucky me.

Remember that these aren’t WordPress email addresses, so your email entitled “Quit Being So Damn Stupid!” will sadly be returned to sender. A for effort though.
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5 thoughts on “The Email Collection: Volume 4

  1. Winston, this was just too funny. Now I feel extremely stupid for the name of my blog. I must go change it immediately. But, my email address does remain professional enough for real world things like coordinating volunteer projects at my local church or attaching a resume. But please don’t read my blog whatever you do, because you will then find out that I am really an idiot.

    • Now hold on, don’t be so hard on yourself. If you have the crazy email address, you’re covered as long as you have the “professional” one too. Good thing I don’t send resumes in hopes of escaping the reins of Telescreen from my extremelystupidpeople@gmail.com email address. That would be bad.

      Just because you said don’t read your blog, I read your blog. I’ve never been one to follow direction, or maybe I’ve always been one to fall for reverse psychology. Either way, I enjoyed it, quite cheeky, especially Ice Cream Sandwich-making the tech impaired feel even dumber

      • Hey thanks for reading and linking back! My evil plan worked. Not so stupid after all, eh? I really love reading yours. I read all four of your email address posts. Some of them had me laughing so hard I was choking. I had to tell my husband about your entry regarding the man with one testicle. I could barely sputter the story between fits of laughter. Keep bringing the stupid!

  2. My Wilson would be crushed to hear you talk like that about cats, Winston! You sir, have no shame. I’m debating never reading you blog again! (Totally kidding, you’re the best!)

    • Allow me to explain. I haven’t seen Wilson in three years, so I forgot how one cat could be so damn awesome. I agree there are exceptions to the cat asshole rule. Please tell Wilson I love him.

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