How To Maximize Your Monthly Savings

This is what a stripper looks like at the bank.

How To Manipulate The Customer Service System

What do we all want? To save money and get our way, duh. Fear not, gentle reader, I’ve got the inside scoop on the customer service system. In Super Department, I know the ins and outs of every facet of the call center. Scroll down to learn how to manipulate the customer service system and get anything you want.

This will be a continuing series that will first appear in posts, and then permanently be placed in a page called “How To Guide.” The customer service system can be manipulated as long as you know how to do it. I know all the secrets of Telescreen and I’m happy to spill them all…

How To Maximize Your Monthly Savings

Tons of people call in demanding, yelling, screaming, and bullying the employees. Unfortunately, these jerks usually get what they want because of this psycho behavior. In order to save money, you don’t have to be a lunatic, you just need to know how the system works. Here’s how to work your way up the agent ladder and maximize monthly credits on your bill:

When you call in to the main automated system, you’ll eventually get a frontline agent. Immediately tell them you want to cancel, and they will then transfer you to a “loyalty” agent. This job, as I know from experience, is just plain terrible, because the loyalty agents are paid to keep people from canceling. Their performance is based on how many customers they “save,” and with Telescreen, they must make two “save offers” before they are even allowed to cancel an account. When you get transferred to them, beware that they are smarter than the frontline agent and also more hardened, mainly because they get screamed at all day. This is a good thing though, because you can negotiate with a real person much better than someone reciting a script.

Tell the loyalty agent you’re wanting to cancel because your bill is too high. They may try the same methods as the previous agent, such as changing your package, offering a monetary amount off each month, or removing some items from your bill. Take any suggestions to save money, but remember, you’re calling to get a credit on your account. If you aren’t satisfied after removing some add-ons, again say you will cancel if you can’t get more credits off of your bill. They’ll then make a second save offer, which I would recommend taking. Don’t name a price, just see what they have to offer, and either accept or negotiate for something around the same figure. If you threaten to cancel a third time, they’ve already made their two offers, and will say, “Thank you very much, enjoy the competition.” Working up to a loyalty agent is little more work than taking the frontline agent’s offer, but it is usually worthwhile, since the agent will help trim down your bill and give you a better save offer.

The system is designed to allow for the frontline and loyalty agents to make only a set number of adjustments. Obviously, you want to get to the loyalty agent because they are able to offer a better credit in order to save you as a customer. I’d expect to receive anywhere from 10-20 dollars off per month from the loyalty agent, in respect to your TV, Internet, or phone bill. If you’d still like to work your way up the agent ladder, stay tuned for a future how to. For now, go use that money to buy something cool, like a box set of the Arsenio Hall Show. What a downright amazing show.

Step By Step Guide:

  • Follow the automated prompts to speak with a CSR
  • Explain that you are calling to cancel your account
  • Decline any offers from the frontline agent
  • Wait to be transferred to a loyalty agent
  • Advise the agent you are canceling due to your high monthly rate
  • Listen to their suggestions to reduce your monthly cost
  • Decline the first offer of monthly credits
  • Accept the second offer of monthly credits
  • Congratulate yourself for outsmarting a call center employee

Don’t forget to drop me a line under the Ask Winston page for more suggestions on how to manipulate the customer service system!

2 thoughts on “How To Maximize Your Monthly Savings

  1. I’m glad you’re going thru this now – I will be calling my internet provider soon to “cancel” my account before I move in an effort to reduce my bill and add TV for a low payment. Winston, oh wise one, you the man!

    • I scoured the net and didn’t find much insider knowledge on customer service. Just saving the world, one dollar bill at a time. No big deal.

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