How To Save Money In Less Than Five Minutes

Pretty typical day at the ol’ call center, minus the free time to rock the Rubik’s Cube.

How To Manipulate The Customer Service System

What do we all want? To save money and get our way, duh. Fear not, gentle reader, I’ve got the inside scoop on the customer service system. In Super Department, I know the ins and outs of every facet of the call center. Scroll down to learn how to manipulate the customer service system and get anything you want.

This will be a new series that will first appear in posts, and then permanently be placed in a page called “How To Guide.” The customer service system can be manipulated as long as you know how to do it. I know all the secrets of Telescreen and I’m happy to spill them all…

How To Save Money In Less Than Five Minutes

You’re busy, I understand. You’ve got some important business like Tai Chi in the park and step team practice at the YMCA. I’ll tell you how to cut a small chunk of change off your monthly bill in just five minutes. Here’s how it works:

When you call into the main automated system, you eventually get to a “frontline” agent, or customer service representative (CSR). As I know from experience, these agents are unlucky folk, and they are the first line of defense against morons. The frontline agents follow a strict set of guidelines, because Telescreen has to be able to monitor such a large number of employees. They aren’t paid to think, they’re paid to read scripts, transfer customers, and follow a strict protocol. In attempting to save money on your bill, you just have to know what protocol to follow.

When you get the CSR, ask for a lower monthly rate, and they will first attempt to “right-size” you to a lower monthly package. Decline, obviously, because you’re not calling to change anything, you’re calling to save some capital. It doesn’t matter what you say, it just matters that you don’t accept their weak offer of lowering your package. They can then make a second offer, which will be a certain amount of money off each month. Accept this offer, because that will be the easiest and quickest way to cut your bill down. With Telescreen, the offer is a measly five dollars off your bill every month for a year, but hey, that’s $60 you just saved in less than five minutes. That’s so easy, you’ll be pulling that move with all of your service providers, from the snakes at the energy company to your boy Jose, the lawn mower. If you’re wondering how to go further than the frontline CSR offer, don’t worry, that’ll be coming up in the next How To Guide. For now, go use that $60 to buy something useful, like Phil Collins concert tickets. “I can feel it coming in the air tonight…”

How To Save Money In Less Than Five Minutes

  • Follow the automated prompts to speak with a CSR
  • Request a lower monthly rate
  • Decline the offer to change your package
  • Accept the offer for a monthly discount
  • Celebrate your victory over the underpaid Indian worker

Is there a specific How To Guide you’re wanting? Drop me a line under the Ask Winston page!