So You’re A Big Tough Guy, Huh?

Instead of stealing milk money, this tough guy steals homework and has it done by 8am.

There’s so much fucking testosterone on the other end of the phone during some of my conversations it’s ridiculous. All these guys like to throw around threats that promise physical harm to the call center employees. Here’s a prime example of what I’m talking about:

Winston: “Calm down sir. What exactly happened with the other agent?”

Customer: “He hung up on me! He said he was a damn supervisor, and I tried to tell him what was going on, and he just hung up the phone!”

Winston: “I apologize for that sir, that’s definitely not the type of behavior we want to see with our supervisors.”

Customer: “That son-of-a-bitch! I knew he was messing with me. I bet he wouldn’t have pulled that move if we were talking face to face. I would have showed him, god damnit! I want to talk to him again, get him on the line.”

Winston: “I can’t do that sir, but I’m happy to see what I can do to get your issue fixed.”

Customer: “That punk better hope he doesn’t come across me again, or I’ll head over there and kick his ass!”

So you’re a big tough guy, huh? I beg to differ:

A: You’re not tough, big, or strong. In fact, you are actually a fat ass. Fashion Tip: The wife-beater you’re wearing doesn’t flatter your flabby arms, tubby. Time for a physical workout instead of the verbal workout you give everyone by yelling and complaining. Jog for two minutes and we’ll see how well you can yell and complain. “Fu-huff huff-ck Y-huff-ou!”

B: You’re a douchebag. No one likes you, especially me. Even though you’re 40, you still play Xbox because you don’t have any friends. You cheer for rival teams just to piss people in your city off. Your hobbies include yelling at the TV and drinking by yourself. You still proudly wear your letter jacket from high school and your fraternity shirts. Don’t worry, you do have some “acquaintances,” too bad they just so happen to be douchebags too.

C: You couldn’t kick my ass. I’m a peaceful man that doesn’t get into fights, mainly because I prefer to use my wit and words than my scrawny arms. You on the other hand, have been in many fights, all of which have taken place at a bar, and all of which started by you saying to someone, “Hey, you looking at me?” No one is looking at you to pick a fight, only to judge you for wearing a wife-beater and sweatpants in public.

D: You’re not going to fly to India. I know you just promised Mohammed you’d kick his ass, but do you know that Mohammed lives in the Dubai? Do you know how far that is from your trailer park in Alabama? No you don’t, because that requires using math skills and the Internet, two things Rednecks never seem to have.

Check out some more Angry Assholes that enjoy threatening yours truly:

I’m A Fucking Christian God Damnit

I’m Gonna Stick It Where The Sun Don’t Shine

Fuck You, Fuck Telescreen, And Fuck Everyone There

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