The Email Collection: Volume 2

Email: Because going to the post office fucking sucks.

Hello strangers! It’s been awhile. Your long suffering voice of stupidity has been slacking off. Don’t worry, I still have a stockpile of stories waiting to be posted, it’s just a matter of sending them out to my faithful subscribers and one-view-a-day randos. So without further ado, let’s review some more idiotic email address.

whodis? Good question. Who the fuck is this? Nothing makes me want to open an email more than one sent from this ambiguous address. I’m sure this dipshit was wondering why no one ever responded to any of his emails. Probably because no one knew who the fuck dis was. Gee, I wonder if this is junk mail. Might as well be Let me lay it down for you “crook,” your email is now in the trash. Oh wait, it was an important email? I seriously doubt that. I’m sure it was just a clever joke sent on an email chain of up to fifty people. That’s what the “delete forever” button is for. The Monkees? Really? The Beatles knockoff band? The original boy band? That’s nothing to be proud of. I guess I shouldn’t be too critical, I’ll now have to delete my email. Hmm. I don’t think I want to “holla back.” I’m glad I have the option to get back to you via email “all I want” though. I do like options, that’s why Country Buffett is so great; there are so many options of trashy Rednecks to make fun of. It’s time for someone to be honest with you. You’re not cute. You’re not little. You’re not a sweetheart. Please stop pretending. Badaboom! I just got another worthless email. Badaboom is like the slang term for voila. Let me highlight the differences. “I just finished my dissertation, viola!” Contrarily, “I just finished a 40 in two minutes! King Cobra bitch! Badaboom!” Hence why the badaboom email address shouldn’t be used for job searching.