I’ve been waiting awhile to meet a famous person. I assume with millions of Telescreen customers there has to be a few famous assholes with the shitty service in their mansions.
I get a call over in Super Department from some sales agent who needs help setting up a second account. He tells me the customer wants to have service for ten televisions at his second mansion. What the fuck kind of rich asshole is this?
I bring up the first account and find out it’s in Beverly Hills with a ten TV setup, and the name is vaguely familiar. Further research from the highest educational resource available, Wikipedia, reminded me this was a “famous actor.” I really didn’t believe this was the real guy at first. Then I read over the account notes and see all the people that called in were assistants, business managers, and accountants. Maybe this guy was the real deal. By real deal I mean the real shitty actor.
The sales agent was having a shit fit because this rich asshole’s assistant was insistent that we get the second account setup immediately. He never used the guys real name, but wanted to make sure I could work some magic and bend the rules to get this second account setup. I wasn’t able to get things connected and had to refer him to another department since this customer wanted a 20 TV setup compared to the normal customer limit of three. Who needs 20 fucking TVs? There really isn’t that much good shit on TV anyway. Ever heard of Karaoke Battle USA? Give me a fucking break.
I transfered the sales agent to the corresponding department and took a good long look at the information on my screen. In front of me was some rich and “famous” guy’s address, phone number, and even social security number. Could I somehow use this to my advantage? Then I realized I had another call coming from some new dumbshit, so I cleared all the crap off of my screen for good.
So who was this “famous person?” I suppose you could deem him an actor, yet if you look at the quality of his material, you may second guess it. One movie was about him living in the hood or some shit. It was meant to be a serious drama, but instead it was so terrible it could be deemed a comedy. Another one was about him driving cars or something. I never subjected myself to that horrible movie, but I believe it was a straight to DVD classic. I don’t want to use his real name, so let’s just go ahead and call him Tyreke Simpson. So if you’re out there Tyreke, you’re welcome for not selling your personal information to the paparazzi or the Russian Mob. I granted you some lenience since you really shouldn’t be famous in the first place.