Gentle reader, I’ve been selfish. For the past few months, I’ve been having all the fun. Here I am, mocking stupid people day in and day out, while you don’t get to join in on the fun. Those days are now over. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the new ESP. Let’s review some of the exciting changes taking place around these parts.
First off, I obviously have a really cool acronym for the blog. No, I don’t mean extrasensory perception, that’s nerdy as shit. Now when your friends ask you what you’re doing, you can say, “I’m reading ESP, biatch.” That sounds much better than saying, “I’m reading a blog where some asshole complains about dipshits.” We call that streamlining, which is one of the many words stupid people don’t understand.
Second, I’ve changed the organization of my blog. Now I only post the first two paragraphs, and then you must click the link to go to the full blog post and continue reading. In simpler terms, to read the rest of this entry, click the link below that fucking says, “Read the rest of this entry.” Go ahead, give it a gander.
Good work, you’ve passed the test, now please administer a pat on the back. If you scroll down this individual post, you’ll notice something on the bottom that says, “Share The Stupidity!” Click the share button next to that and get to sharing. This blog is a non-profit designed to raise awareness against the disease known as stupidity. Millions suffer all around the world, mostly in the Southern part of the US. So help me spread the word. Why not put these posts on Facebook or Twitter? How about emailing them to people who aren’t afraid of the words shit, fuck, or piss? Print them out if you want, but make sure to go double-sided, green is trendy these days. You can even stumble them so someone can go, “What the shit?” Please share this blog and help it grow. There are a lot of intelligent people in this world that need to join us in mocking stupid people. Sadly, these intelligent folk, such as yourself, are greatly outnumbered by stupid mother fuckers.
Most importantly, I have included a new section called “Your Stories.” That’s right, time to join the fun folks. I know you see stupid people everyday and everywhere. Send those stories my way and share them with the world. No need to even send me an email; I’ve included a form on here, so just fill in the blanks. I’ll then go through the submitted stories and post a few on the blog right next to my posts. So what are you waiting for, share the stupidity!
Last, I have a nice new email address available for contact. Feel free to drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll create a contact page sometime in the future. Unfortunately, my time is a bit limited; stupid people need me 40 hours a week, so things tend to move a bit slowly around ESP.
To wrap up this post, I think we need a little snippet of stupidity. Just the other day, a guy called in who apparently makes quick judgements. I answered the call like I do every other call, but I guess I didn’t do a good enough job for this fuckhead. At least I move the phone away from my mouth when talking to other people in the room.
Winston: “Thank you for calling Telescreen Inc, this is Winston, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Wow, this dude sounds like a douchebag.”