One of my greatest difficulties at Telescreen has been telling people they’re fucking idiots without directly calling them stupid. This has been quite the dilemma, as it takes some clever maneuvering on my part. An example would be a gentleman trying to change some settings on his TV.
Winston: “Sir, we are going to need to change the channel on your TV, so go ahead and press the channel up button for me please.”
Customer: “Well, I pressed the channel up button, and it made the volume louder. That’s sure weird.”
You sir, are a fucking idiot. You hit the goddamn volume up button, and in your shroud of stupidity, you somehow deem it necessary to think there is something wrong with your TV. Fucking pathetic. How can I say this politely?
Winston: “Okay sir, go ahead and try pushing the channel up button again, and verify the button says “channel up” for me please.”
Customer: “Oh, there we go, I guess I hit the volume up button.”
No shit Sherlock. How about a fucking round of applause?
I’m not always this good at telling someone they’re a dipshit without directly confronting their stupidity. I got caught red handed by some angry asshole calling in to complain about his bill.
Customer: “I need an extension on my bill, why the Hell are you telling me I can’t get an extension?”
Winston: “I am very sorry sir, but I’m not able to extend your bill at this time.”
Customer: “Well I can’t pay that right now!”
Winston: “The extension wouldn’t change the amount on your bill, just the date it would be due.”
Customer: “What did you just say?”
I repeated myself slowly, stupid people have trouble understanding English.
Customer: “Are you calling me stupid?”
Yes. You’re a fucking idiot.
Winston: “No sir, not at all, what would give you that impression?”
Customer: “You really don’t think I know that a bill extension won’t change the amount of my bill?”
Yes, I really think you are that pathetically stupid, and seriously doubt you understand the concept of a bill extension.
Winston: “Sir, I was merely explaining our billing procedures.”
Customer: “No! You’re fucking calling me stupid!”
That’s because you ARE stupid.
Winston: “I didn’t call you stupid.”
Customer: “I don’t care, you’re treating me like an idiot!”
Obviously this asswhipe has been told his whole life that he’s stupid, hence the defensive attitude. Actually, I could have easily given him an extension. Two clicks on my end and he would be in great shape with Telescreen. Instead, I didn’t give him an extension; he was a dick. Oh yeah, and he really was fucking stupid.