The Wise & Great Mr. Trainer

I remember our first day on the job quite clearly. Our training room was so quiet it made a library sound like a god damn Rolling Stones concert. The awkward silence in the room was finally broken by Mr. Trainer, the wise Telescreen Inc. employee who would be guiding us through the learning process. Wait a second, I have to be taught how to listen to stupid people bitch and moan all day? Apparently listening to dipshits is a refined craft, like a fine bottle of wine. And by a fine bottle, I mean Franzia, the shit that comes in a fucking box.

We’ve spent most of our day signing papers, getting standard HR bullshit, and asking questions. Mr. Trainer begins on the topic of unruly customers, and the fact that we will be getting some extremely irate and threatening individuals on the phone lines. One of my fellow trainees asks if we can hang up on a threatening customer. Absolutely not, Mr. Trainer advises us. If you hang up on an unruly customer, you can be fired on the spot. I can see getting fired on the spot for cruising into work with a .45 or for wearing nothing but a denim loincloth on jeans day, but for hanging up on an asswipe?

He continues by advising the class that he, the almighty Mr. Trainer, can take a barrage of verbal abuse from anyone. Congratulations, you can sit and take shit from anyone, please put that on your fucking resume. Okay Mr. Trainer, let me break this down so I can understand a bit better:

Customer: “Go fuck yourself!”

Winston: “Thank you so much.”

Customer: “I Googled your ass and know where you live!”

Winston: “I get off work in three hours, please come by whenever is convenient and kick my ass.

Customer: “You’re a worthless piece of shit!”

Winston: “That’s what my horoscope read today.”

I really hope that one day I can be proud of myself just like Mr. Trainer. If I stick with Telescreen Inc, I too will be able to sit and take shit from a stupid asshole instead of telling them to go fuck themselves.

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