Something tells me the fake bills on the shirt are the most this guy has ever seen in his life.
I didn’t see it coming. It was a day like any other day, filled with useless fucking morons, clueless rednecks, and yelling bitches. Then a friendly message from my boss pops up on the screen, “Yearly review after your call.” Um, okay. I end the call by telling the genius that because the bill reads $35 they in fact do owe $35. The guy next to me happens to be off the phone, which is rare, so I ask him what these reviews are. “Oh, they’re just these dumb evaluations they do each year.” “Sounds stupid,” I reply, right when my boss appears at my cube. “Well, let’s see if it is,” he says. Timing was never my thing.
We go into the empty, dark, cold office in the back of the bullpen. Since no one has an office, we all go to this ugly fucking place for stupid shit like meetings and evaluations. My boss sits me down and slowly shuts the door. He pulls out a manila folder and pretends he’s in the damn CIA or something.
To me, an evaluation doesn’t mean a fucking thing. Since I’m working in the shithole known as Telescreen, I could give two fucks what they think about my performance. The fact that I haven’t jumped off the top of a tall building should be enough to warrant a high evaluation.
Performance is graded on a number system, and they measure your performance based on a score of ten, with categories such as results, customer service, initiative, blah, blah, blah. My boss goes through my performance and everything is positive. He raves that I’m one of the top employees in the department and hails my wonderful stats, because that’s all that really matters around there. I forgot to stop him and tell him how sad it is that a guy who makes a blog humiliating customers and the management at Telescreen is doing “such a great job.” The positive feedback was nothing to be proud of, it actually made me a bit ashamed. It just proves that a retarded monkey can perform my job to a high degree. Great, I have the performance level of a “special” monkey.