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All posts for the month January, 2012

ESP New Year’s Resolutions 2012

Posted by Winston on January 23, 2012
Posted in: Angry Assholes, Dirty Rednecks, Extremely Stupid, Irate Indians, Jive Talkin', Job Security. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 1 comment

Is it César Chávez Day yet?

2012 is now upon us, gentle reader. Everyone rides the New Year’s resolution train for about a month, making sure to stick to their resolutions for, well, about a month. The gym is twice as crowded as normal. The self-help section of the bookstore is empty. The organic food is suddenly sparse in the grocery store.

In thinking of resolutions, I couldn’t help but make some for my extremely stupid friends:

Angry Assholes: I resolve not to get so worked up this year over things that don’t matter. This list includes television service. If my bill is four dollars more than normal, I won’t call in, demand a supervisor, and scream and curse at the poor son-of-a-bitch (Winston) on the other end of the phone. I will realize that such behavior is not generally accepted in normal society. I wouldn’t scream and yell at a librarian in the middle of the fucking library. Oh wait, I did that last week. That’s why I’m a piece of shit. Well, I guess I have my work cut out for me this year!

Irate Indians: I get extremely pissed about everything. I mean everything. I yell at every customer service rep I speak to, but since they can’t understand a fucking word I’m saying, I guess they really aren’t listening. I resolve to quit this dumbass behavior to spare the poor customer service reps on the other line. No need to add English classes to the list, I still want to spare everyone from actually understanding what I’m saying.

Clueless & Elderly: I am old and senile. I shouldn’t leave the house, talk to people, or have some fancy ass TV service. I resolve not to exert myself beyond my comprehension, which means anything more complicated than opening a jug of prune juice. That includes calling my TV service provider and asking how to turn the god damn thing on (by pressing the fucking “on” button).

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And Now For Something Completely Different

Posted by Winston on January 4, 2012
Posted in: What The Fuck?. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Freebird! We want Freebird!

When I’m not getting bitched out by complete morons, I like to spend my time immersed in music. Listening, playing, analyzing, and enjoying good tunes helps me keep what small amount of sanity I still have left.

Just like any fan of good tunes, I look forward to the end of the year for top music lists. Of course all the shit you hear on the radio is pure garbage, but there is still a ton of great music out there as long as you know where to look. Here is what I deem to be the best albums of 2011. Hopefully this list can lead to the discovery of some great new tunes. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to making fun of idiots next week.

TOP 11 OF 2011

11. St. Vincent “Strange Mercy”

Experimental enough to satisfy the skinny jean wearing Hipster, but accessible enough to satisfy the casual listener. This album reads like a book of poetry, with the choice instrumentation acting like perfectly placed punctuation.

Key Track: “Chloe In The Afternoon”

10. Fleet Foxes “Helplessness Blues”

An exceptional followup to their self-titled debut. We’re introduced to more sides of the band, both lyrically and musically. They still have their own brand of Folk, but this time attack more daring ground.

Key Track: “Montezuma”

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