“Hey, man, you know, I don’t think I’m up for this construction gig.”
Stupid People Say The Dumbest Fucking Things:
Winston: “Now unplug the router from the wall and wait about thirty seconds.”
Winston: “Unplug the cord that connects the router to the wall.”
Customer: “You mean the power deal?”
Customer: “Wow, this is so confusing! Good thing I didn’t get high today.”
On Halloween, it's okay for kids to play with knives
Halloween came once again last week. It was a day for kids to stroll the neighborhood in search of free shit. It was a day for adults to send their kids into the neighborhood to knock on stranger’s doors. It was a day for young adults to get drunk and make bad decisions. And it was a day full of excitement at Telescreen Inc.
Why they would choose Halloween as the one day for fun and celebration at work is beyond me. I think it has something to do with the fact that Telescreen is Hell on Earth, or something like that. The original idea was to have a big decorating competition between all the different departments. It would be Super Department, Residential, Commercial, and Sales all competing for…nothing. There wasn’t going to be any prize, just “bragging rights.” Let me think about that. “Hey John, my department out-decorated you on Halloween, so go fuck yourself!” No, that doesn’t sound right. I immediately put the Halloween decorating contest in the category of “Don’t Fucking Care.”
Emails were promptly sent out by the head decorator in Super Department. His name is Chad, one of the many supervisors, and not surprisingly, he’s very gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. All of his emails that were sent department wide were signed, “The King Of Halloween.” All of his emails that were sent to me were promptly placed where they belonged: in the fucking trash.
Chad was calling on as many volunteers as he could get to help decorate. Due to the fact that decorating our shit call center sounded lame and terrible, I didn’t volunteer. It wasn’t until later that I realized I could be playing arts and crafts instead of listening to stupid people bitch and moan. Epic fail.