It’s time to expand the blog once again, this time with a new page called Your Posts. You now have the ability to not only submit your stories, but also posts to the blog as well. This includes links, pictures, videos, and any other dumb ass shit you stumble upon. Click on the big red link on the Your Posts page and it will direct you over to my email. Send whatever you feel pertains to stupidity and should be shared with the world.
Just like the Your Stories page, I’ll look over all the shit sent my way and post the best. So the next time you drive down the street and see some hipster asshole riding a unicycle, take a pic and share it. The next time you’re at a bar and you see some douchebag trying to impress a chick, snag a quick video. And of course the next time you’re on You Tube, send a link of pretty much anything, since the whole site is designed as a vehicle for stupidity.
I don’t want to make this post all business, so I’ll give you a short story. I had a guy call in the other day whose name was Muhammed Ali. I thought that was pretty cool. Then he started yelling at me. He didn’t float like a butterfly, he was a dick. End of story.
You know the (amazing) show with Bill Cosby, Kids Say The Darndest Things? I’ve decided to start something like that on this blog. It takes me a long time to draft, edit, and publish these posts. Hence why updates on the blog happen roughly once a week. Also, dumb assholes don’t always call in with hilarious stories. The good ones are few and far between. Most of my days are pretty boring, with the occasional well educated individual and the mass of dumb rednecks and angry assholes. I can’t have the same old posts of me getting yelled at over and over. Only the good stuff comes to this blog, and by good, I mean extremely fucking stupid.
Even though I don’t always get good long stories for the blog, I still get quite a few people saying some dumb shit. I have a nice collection going with short quotes from stupid people. I write down anything that makes me say, “What the fuck?” It’s no surprise that I write down a lot of shit, because, drum roll please:
Stupid People Say The Dumbest Fucking Things:
Winston: “May I ask your reason for canceling service with us today?”
Customer: “I don’t watch much TV. I spend most of my time picking mushrooms and drinking beer. Do you like mushrooms?”
Just as people amaze me with their stupidity, others baffle me with their cruelty. Hence was the case with The Fuck Guy. This piece of shit yelled fuck at me every other word. If I paid him $50 (which is a lot of money if you’re a dumb redneck) to stop saying fuck for one minute, he would lose the money immediately. Then he would threaten to shoot me for taking his $50. It’s a dumb redneck thing.
An agent calls me over in Super Department and tells me this dickface is complaining about something that I don’t remember or give a fuck about. Before she transfers him, in a shaky voice, says, “Be careful, he’s really profane.” Lucky me.
Winston: “Thank you for holding, my name is Winston, I am here in the Super Department of Telescreen to resolve your request today. Could you please explain to me what’s going on?”
Customer: “Yeah, well, blah, blah, complain, complain…”
Then his voice starts to raise and I begin to turn the volume on my phone down. I have to do that at least five times a day, no joke.
Customer: “…and then one of you motherfuckers are telling me I can’t fucking cancel! What the fuck is that? What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I’ve called fifty fucking times, I’m tired of this fucking shit, fucking fix this motherfucking shit right fucking now!”